Housework. Isn’t it a joy. I seem to spend my life charging around trying to tidy up only for it to be a complete and utter mess again 24 hours later. The dog seems to malt at the rate of 20 billon hairs per second followed close behind by the cats who drop hair by just yawning. Paw prints all over the newly mopped floor and dog toys strewn all over the lounge and up the stairs after the mad game of chase the cats then raids the bin on an hourly basis leaving the contents strewn across the kitchen. The teenager lives in her cave upstairs generally consisting of wet towels flung across the floor, dirty washing thrown at the wash basket landing on the floor, make- up smeared across the dressing table, fake tan all over the carpet and about 20 thousand used cups bowels and plates piled up next to the bed.
Now as much as I like a tidy and clean house it never stays like that no matter how hard I try. There are these woman who can blink and there house is like a show home. We all must know what I’m talking about. These woman who have 5 kids, 2 dogs, a pony a full time job and still manage to have a lovely clean and sparkling house. These women are Super Human. A distant relative of Superman. I like to call them Krypton Women. I have a friend like this. You try and catch them out and call round unannounced and the house will be immaculate. It is so tidy you can even see your reflection in the kitchen tiles. Nothing is out of place, there is not even a dirty cup in the brilliantly bleached sink. No overflowing wash baskets, the dogs are all fast asleep in their beds and the children are all playing nicely and even put their toys away. The beds are all made and the bedding is even IRONED. Yes you heard right…IRONED. (Ironing is the devils work… but that’s another story) There is no ironing pile either as this is all ironed immediately and put away. These woman don’t even have a ‘Crap’ drawer. I have about twelve. The drawers where you put everything you don’t know what to do with, chuck it in and forget about it. And lets not even get started on the garden.
My mother is a Krypton woman. You can see her house glimmering with polish on google earth. She can spot a spec of dirt from 500 miles away. You go to my mums and have to cling onto your cup of tea. It is a matter of life and death. NEVER put your cup down and nip to the loo. By the time you get back your brew is down the sink and the cup washed up, dried and put away. The woman hoovers three times a day even under the sofas and NEVER loses Tupperware lids. I do not appear to have inherited any of these super human domestic powers. I have tried for the last 15 years but it nearly put me into a medically induced coma after attempting to use the hoover twice in one week.
So there we are. I am definetly not from Krypton. I spend my life covered in dog hair, sleeping in un-ironed bedding, routing through crap drawers and picking up wet towels off the floor. But that’s ok. We are who we are and everyone is different. Life would be pretty damn boring if we were all the same. So I will admire these Krypton women from afar as I drink more wine.
Cheers Ladies x